Cloud Nine

Requiescat in Pace, Jacob

2008-03-01T02:38:51Z

I'm taking the SATs tomorrow.

My ferret, Jacob, died today.
I went to give him his medicine (he ~~has~~ had insolinoma) and found him sleeping.
I nudged him with my finger in order to wake him, and he was stiff and hard and still warm.
I covered my mouth with my hand, dropped the injection, and ran up the stairs to tell my mom.
My dad kept saying ridiculous things like, "he lived a long, good life" (he was only 5 years old. most ferrets live 'till 8) and "we all loved him" (my whole family hated him except for me) and "at least he died painlessly". How does he know that Jacob died painlessly? His mouth was covered in vomit and he was curled in a circle and he was still warm.
My dad's still here trying to tell me that Jacob lived longer then anyone expected--he said two years. Jacob was only diagnosed six months ago, and we were told he could possibly live up to two more years. The vet actually gave us an extra-large dose of medicine for him, which she said would last five months, when we visited three weeks ago.
...it's important to remember that animals are our favorite people. My mom says, "you always love your pets, and you always outlive them. My cat's death was horrible; I was holding him in his arms when the vet put him to sleep".
I just can't get the feeling of his hard and still warm body under my hands.
I think I'm going to have nightmares.
I saved up my money forever and ever and when I was only 11 years old and in 6th grade, my dad took me all around to a bunch of different pet stores looking for the perfect ferret. My dad said that we weren't going to visit any more pet stores after this one, that it was the last one. And there was Jacob, his eyes bright with excitement and his teddy-bear ears perked and his teeth bared in a grin.
I loved him so, so, so much. I paid all of his vet bills and bought all of his litter and his cage and all of his food.
And now he's dead.
And I just keep thinking that maybe if I hadn't stayed after school, maybe if I remembered to give him his medicine yesterday, maybe if I had cleaned his litter box... then maybe he would still be alive.
I feel like it's my fault. I know it's my fault.
And I still can feel his body under my fingers and I can still remember thinking "he'll wake up now, he'll take in a deep, shuddering breath and open his coal eyes and look straight at me".
But he won't.

What's the worst is that Simran's father died last week. And the way I feel about Jacob can only be a fraction of the pain she must feel.
But I can't help being selfish and feeling like Jacob's death is the most terrible thing in the world.

I'm going to take a shower now.
...but I don't think--no matter how long I scrub or how hot the water is-- thatI'll ever be able to wash him off of me.

I named him "Jacob Sungii Callisto" after reading a book I loved in the sixth grade.
After that I was embarassed whenever the vets had trouble pronouncing his name.

Jacob and Jessica

So... Bad Luck Comes in Threes?

2008-02-16T18:08:44Z

Right.

This completely SUCKS.

...

so.

ITEM #1

On Sunday, a rabid raccoon attacked my German Sheppard, Kayla. It was latched on to her front legs, reaching its face around to bite her elbows. She struggled to grab it by the neck, and shook it viciously, breaking its neck. She then proceeded to carry the dead raccoon up our driveway.

We called Animal Control, and I washed Kayla while wearing rubber gloves and holding the hose... then I washed Princess in the sink.

Animal Control reported back to us on Thursday that the raccoon did have rabies... yeah, thanks guys.

Soooo since I touched my dog's head without gloves, and since rabies is transmitted through either A. blood or B. saliva (I'm pretty sure, anyways...) I might have rabies.

If I do, I will begin to display symptoms approximately 14 days from now, and will die shortly afterwards.

Ooooor I can get a vaccine sometime in the next week (albiet, a painful vaccine that must be repeated a few times).

Or I might not have it.

-_- I probably don't have it, that's what the vet/doctor said. But... I dunno. That sucks. (btw Kayla and Princess are both vaccinated against rabies; they just had to have a booster shot)

ITEM # 2

A member of my family (I will not disclose which member, just know that it's not me) was found to have lice today.

Great. I know.

Soooo we all have to wash our hair with nasty lice-killing-shampoo, and tonight we have to lather our hair in Crisco (animal fat) and wear a cap over it, and we're disallowed from going ANYWHERE until Tuesday. Fantastic way to spend a long weekend.

Oh. We also have to wash & disinfect all of our sheets, pillows, stuffed animals, cushions, and anything fluffy EVERY DAY without fail.

.........this SUCKS.

ITEM #3

Well. Bad luck always comes in threes, right? Something horrible's bound to happen sooner or later. I fought with my dad and brother both last night and this morning... I apparently almost killed my whole family while driving last night (my dad was like, "you're going too slow, Kara" so I looked down at the speedometer to check as I was about to merge into the next lane, and another car sped up and nearly crashed into our car...

oops

so yeah. I figure it'll happen soon. @__@

ANYWAYS.
I'm totally in love with Imogen Heap's amazing voice. ^^
I have been for a while (she's the lead singer of Frou Frou) but I didn't realize it until about two months ago.

Oh, wait.. I think the THIRD thing has just happened.
Youtube won't play for me!! >.< *rushes off to download newest flash player* Ahhhhh

BTW (good things)

A. I got the JC position

B. I got a new iPod

C. I can get my driver's license very soon

^^ Well I must go now....
hope I don't get lice. >.< (REALLY, REALLY HOPE)

AND NICOLE--IF YOU TELL ANYONE I MIGHT HAVE LICE I WILL KILL YOU.
Btw, I won't forget the nail polish or Bloodrayne on Tuesday, kay? You just have to bring back my KH. ^^
And Gina, I need KH too!! >.< (how was your valentine's day?)

EDIT: I used the word "SUCKS" twice? Anyways.
If you wanna listen to Imogen Heap's amazing song Speeding Cars then watch the video at the top. (since it won't come down further... O.o

sorrowful_tear @ 2008-01-27T17:53:00

2008-01-27T23:13:06Z

Ahhhh so basically I'm exhausted right now.

That sleepover last night was... interesting.
... errr, the dancing...
??? lebfest much??

Not much to say...
ummm I watched "Perfect Blue" on youtube today.
it's an anime movie, a psycho-thriller that was highly reccomended.
I found it slightly more disturbing then any live-action horror film I've ever watched.
It didn't scare me, but it made me think. Sort of.

Gah I have this massive headache, just pounding away at my poor head.
It's only 6 and I feel exhausted.
(well, that's what I get for staying up 'till 3 this morning. ~__~)

Ewww I told Katherine and Sam that I was going to go to the festival today..
but then I didn't. O.o
Still waiting for a response to my interview for the jc position.

Basically, that program (CISV) that I've participated in over the years, dealing with overseas relations and building peace and everything... they have a different program for each age group. 16/17 year olds can go to a village (a month-long summer camp for 11 year olds) where they are a JC (a junior counselor). I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanna do it.
Anyways there's only one position for a girl, and I think 5 of us were interviewed last weekend? I know Katherine was one of them.
... if I don't get it, I guess it's not the end of the world. I mean, this position is in the US... usually they're in other countries (like my village was in Fountainbleau, France, and Katherine's was in Japan...) which is more exciting... The thing is, this is the last summer I'll have time to do anything fun. Next summer I'll just be preparing for leaving for college... Joy.
Also, if I don't get in, then I have to do Outward Bound this summer. I really don't want to... I guess it'll be okay. It's just that trekking through the swamps and hiking up mountains without a single shower for two whole weeks doesn't really appeal to me. -_-

Ummm, there was something else? But I can't remember...
Oh yeah. Katherine's a total slut. However, she IS president of the junior branch of CISV...
but she participated in an exchange to Germany with me last year, and totally made a fool of herself in front of our leader... who happens to be one of the interviewers.
Like, you only have to be 16 in Germany to get alchohol legally. And we were all 15..
so James decided to use his fake driver's license to get some booze while we were at a mini-camp on the beach. @__@ (It was really fake-looking. Not the right format, laminated all wrong, picture wasn't even of him--of course--but I guess if you live in a country where virtually no one is dark skinned all african-americans look similar) So, yeah, he got away with it and brought it back to the camp, and... well, that's another story.
Like I was saying, Katherine's a bitch. She got in a SCREAMING fight (the worst I've ever heard. No lies here, no exaggeration. They were at it for an hour before our leader came in) with Sophie against Keziah.

Keziah's argument: When we first came here, we were all like BFFS (translation: keziah, sophie, and katherine all acted like bitches towards the rest of us). But now, you're so mean to me. (But then you realized I'm as bitchy as you are and cast me away as a lesser-bitch) What went wrong?
Katherine's flawed logic: Yeah, we were BFFs when we first got here. (we all had fun making fun of everyone else at first) But then you started acting like... this. (but then you started to grow a spine. Who needs those? We're all worms here anyways) Just shut your f***ing mouth, just shut the hell up, okay?! You don't know what you're talking about! You're being so rude to us, ect, ect, ect.
Sophie: *parrots everything Katherine has said, only increases her lungs and manages to shout it all even LOUDER*
This went on for an HOUR. Mind you, there were 7 of us girls in that tent (10 counting those three. 5 were german, 5 were american) and yes, a TENT. There were about 40 other people in their own tents in the same clearing. Imagine all of the NOISE they were making in order to drown out everyone else.
... it all got sorted out, after an hour of "group counseling", after which Keziah returned and cried her eyes out... and then an additional few hours with Sophie and Katherine... Well, they hadn't returned by the time I fell asleep about an hour and a half later.

Sooooo

I'm really tired.
Gonna eat & sleep.
Creative writing tomorrow. Been hearing bad things about the teacher. *gulp*

(BTW I cleaned my room today! The world is full of miracles... :D )

Quotes?

2008-01-08T03:14:03Z

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asked solemnly.

"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"

"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have gotten out today."

**********

Just felt like sharing that.
So... today's been an all-around depressing day.
Meh. But I don't feel like talking about it.

The weather is FREAKISHLY warm today. It's SOOO nice.
Like 70 degrees Fahrenheit.

Hmmm..
I went to the library last Saturday. Did I mention that?
I was really excited. :D
I NEVER get to go to the library. EVER.
Like, once every two months. -_-
And I'm a book junkie. I can't go 24 hours without my "fix".

OHHHH!

I discovered a new favorite band.
Vertical Horizon.
Love "When You Cry", "Grey Sky Morning", "You're A God", "Everything You Want", and "Forever".
And Imogene Heap, even outside of the one-time band Frou Frou, is fantastic. "Hide and Seek" totally wowed me.
OneRepublic is good as well. Aside from the hit Apologize (without Timbaland, PLEASE) I've found that other good ones are "Goodbye, Apathy" and "Stop and Stare".
... on an entirely different note, I've learned that Marilyn Manson can actually make really good music. Fell in love with his remake of "Tainted Love". It's amazing! >.<

Haha I've been watching this JDrama called Liar Game.
It's so adorable! *squee*
Apperantly the lead character (known as Nao in the drama) was Misa in the Death Note movies? O.o
Anyways. She plays the part here of a hopelessly naiive and well-meaning girl... who incidentally gets involved in a contest known as "Liar Game" where each contestant recieves a large sum of money (100,000,000 yen, I think... roughly $1,000,000... perhaps a bit less) and has to steal their opponent's money. :O Quite amusing, although the first two episodes are slightly boring... the game evolves even more after that. The thing is, if you lose the game, you owe "The Company" all the money you lost. If you win, you pay the company back the initial amount and get the excess money for yourself. The thing is... Nao is pitted against her favorite middle school teacher. She's VERY easily tricked (it's kinda ridiculous) & immediately loses the money to him for "safekeeping"... However, she employs the help of a genius swindler recently released from jail. :O
It's really artistic... lots of darkened sets, a lot of cutting back-and-forth to emphasize certain aspects.

ANNNYYWAYS.
I should go ~~finish~~ start my Science project. Stupid Chemistry.

afdjaskjsdflkj NOOOOOOOOO

2008-01-06T22:11:13Z

THE STORY

My mom walked into my room, looking frazzled, her blond hair a halo and her features twisted with unmistakable sympathy.

I was on the computer (which I technically wasn't supposed to be on... Ooops) and immediately cried out, "Ugh, you came in just as I got on the PC." (which is the truth. This ALWAYS happens to me.)

But she gave me this upset look and replied, "Kara, I have some bad news for you."

My heart stopped in my chest. (and yes, it really DID stop) I thought she was going to tell me that we had gone horribly into debt, or that someone was dead, or that my dog had been hit by the car (again) but she went on, "You IPod..." And she held out its worn green case to me. "It went through the washing machine. I'm so, so sorry."

I think she was expecting me to cry, but I just took it and said, "Okay, thanks."

She started reassuring me... I was like whatever. I had been planning to get a new ipod soon anyways, one that could hold more memory. I was really cool about the whole thing... though she seemed to keep expecting me to burst into tears.

Anyways.
I looked at the screen, and it was flashing all these japanese and german words and I was like asjdfjads.

.... so my mom kept saying that maybe if I left it out to dry, it would get better.

Whatever. @__@ I didn't believe her.
But, ummm, I left it out for two hours... and just looked at it...
It's showing the normal screen now, and I hooked it up to earphones and it played (but it kept moving the cursor for volume up and down O.o)
I can still see water behind the screen, though...

Oh well. We'll see what it's like later.

Hmmmmm

2008-01-06T02:39:10Z

Eh I dunno.
I don't feel like sharing anything personal..
Today was... weird.
I had been dying to go to the library FOREVER, (yes I'm a nerd) but the only chance I had was early this morning. So I had to wake up at 8:30. Oh the horror! T.T
No, seriously. I have to set my alarm at least 30 minutes before the time I'm supposed to wake up. 'Cause I just hit it and go back to sleep.
So I set it for two different times.
BTW, my alarm clock is a radio. So this morning I woke up to something like, "kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss"...
I think it's obvious that I was really annoyed. -_- Stupid Chris Brown.

And I made the mistake of burning my brother a CD--well he paid me, what was I gonna do, say, "I don't accept cash, come back with a credit card?"--which he never stops playing. I can't listen to Smothered or Diary of Jane anymore because of him!! *stabs*

It was weird though... we actually got along last night. ~__~ It was really, really strange. You have to understand that my brother and I never get along, so quiet animosity is a good thing. Actually talking decently to eachother is a miracle.

I think I like fighting with him more though. It weirds me out when he's actually decent. (is that bad of me? I think it is... *sigh*)

UMMMM I told myself I was gonna do all my homework last night.
I haven't even cracked open my backpack.
I have this horribly guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Seriously...
But that doesn't mean I'm gonna do it now. *sigh*

I cleaned my room today... sort of. It's still a pit, but now all the crap is pushed to either side of the room so that I can actually walk through it. A major accomplishment.

LOL I was playing the Sims II last week...
umm... pictures? haha

These are Jenna. ^^

The lovely, effeminate Lingerie.

And Grey.
(the name I would've had if I were a guy...)

There Nicole. Are you happy? I posted.
Wow I ramble a lot, don't I?

Waves Lapping At Bare Feet

2008-01-06T01:12:14Z

Something I wrote a while ago... (umm... 7 months I think? Last year.)
felt like I should share it here.
Hate the ending, any suggestions?
(lol and this is the opening of my return to Livejournal, so I don't expect any comments... just felt like starting off well. ^^ )

The story is called "Waves Lapping at Bare Feet".
Yeah... I know that certain "thing" is obvious (you'll know what I mean when ya' read it) but oh well. I'm not rewriting that part.

Excerpt: (to lure you in here haha) Days blended seamlessly into nights like a painting of simultaneous dawn and dusk, until he felt as though he were fixated to the spot by tangible roots. Each night, when the sun bled scarlet into the sky, he remembered her.

Casper knelt down by her grave, a bouquet of flowers grasped tightly in his left hand. He slowly lowered them to the ground, as though it were a ritual of great importance, and proceeded to trace the words carved lightly into the cold granite. No tears dared grace his dry face; no expression of sorrow distorted his features. He merely remained there, one knee on the ground and the other bent as though he were courting death itself, emerald eyes glinting with unshed tears.

Buried beneath the sodden ground was his lover, his fiancé, the only woman he had ever felt any degree of affection towards.

He could almost recall her now; tanned skin, long waves of black hair, blue eyes so dark he claimed he could see the ocean through them. But her smile evaded his mind, and it was that he longed for most. She had died in a tragic boating accident six months before, and he had been told that he was lucky her body had been recovered. Lucky. He scoffed. Casper hadn’t set a foot in the ocean since.

Days blended seamlessly into nights like a painting of simultaneous dawn and dusk, until he felt as though he were fixated to the spot by tangible roots. Each night, when the sun bled scarlet into the sky, he remembered her.

Cassie knelt down beside him, tucking her light skirt beneath her legs as she squatted on the wet grass. “Ready to go?” She asked gently, reaching a fragile hand out towards him. He ignored her outstretched palm and raised himself off the ground, brushed particles of dirt off the seat of his pants.

“No,” he replied, his back towards her. His lithe figure cast a shadow across the grassy terrain. And then, abruptly, he grasped her hand with a firm grip. “Let’s go.”

Casper walked alongside Cassie by the edge of the beach, waves lapping at his bare feet. They continued like this wordlessly, neither making the slightest move to begin speaking to the other, each painfully aware of the delicate silence threaded between them. The man abruptly stopped, directing his gaze towards a sailing ship. “Some people have all the luck. Leaving this place.”

Cassie rested a pale hand on his shoulder and laid her head there. “Why would you want to leave this island?” she asked, her soft voice carrying hints of confusion.

He sighed, still staring stormily out at sea. His chestnut hair waved around his face, tugged in all directions by the fierce wind. “It’s so dull, and it’s where…” Casper wrenched his gaze away from the alluring ocean.

She lowered her voice. “I lived here my whole life,” she stated with certainty, and removed her hand from his shoulder and grasped his arm tightly, as though he would disappear into nothing if she let go.

His face twisted in misery as he pulled away from her, as though her vice-like grip on his shoulder was insubstantial. “No. I couldn’t if I tried.” He hurried his pace, forcing her to run to catch up to him. Her feet barely seemed to touch the ground as she quickened her pace in order to reach him.

“I think I’m driving you crazy,” Cassie told him apologetically, lancing her fingers through his so that they were forced to walk hand in hand. Her white dress flew around her in the breeze, riding up on her pale legs. They were so fragile that the sun seemed almost to shine through them, exposing precious veins lanced underneath a thin layer of skin.

“No.” His voice was coarse, rough. “I’m already stark raving mad.”

There was a lengthy lapse in conversation as the two trotted off the beach and onto the pavement near Casper’s apartment. The woman studied his face, observing the myriad of fresh wrinkles marring his features and the large bags beneath his haunted eyes, all of which had developed over the past few months.

Casper tugged his hand away from hers and inserted his card key in the slot by the front door.

“Mina loves you,” Cassie interjected suddenly. “She really does.”

Casper opened the door angrily, veins standing out on his neck. “I have you already.” His tone was hard, with a note of finality she dared not question.

He trudged up the metal staircase that wound around the apartment’s interior, his bare feet making harsh, metallic sounds that echoed around the landings. Cassie’s graceful footsteps were completely silent.

“She can offer you something real, though.” She replied belatedly as Casper once more inserted his key within a slot, jerked the door to his personal set of rooms open.

“You think I care about that crap?” He snarled.

“You should,” she answered quietly, following him inside without another word, so silent, so frail that she appeared akin to a voiceless apparition, the eerie shadows his ripped curtains cast upon her only adding to the image.

After he slammed the door shut, whatever anger seemed to have possessed Casper abruptly deflated as he sunk into a kitchen chair, burying his face in his hands. His tousled brown hair, long from neglect, swung over his face. “I really am crazy,” he cried, his voice muffled.

She placed a faint kiss atop his head, something so insubstantial that it seemed as though only the breeze had ruffled his hair, a stray gust of wind from the slightly open windows. “It’s my fault,” she told him, matter of fact. “We really should end this.”

Within moments the two were embracing passionately in the hallways, arms slung around one another as their lips met in frantic kisses. Casper raised a hand to smooth her dark hair from her face, but it slipped like water through his hands. They heard loud knocks upon his door, but chose to ignore them, merely retreating, locked in embrace, further down the hallway. Casper found himself against the cream-colored wall, her legs twined around his body.

The door opened with an audible click.

Mina and Charles ventured down the hallway to find Casper’s lips meeting with thin air, his arm crooked as though he held it around something, his cheeks flushed with delight.

“My god,” Mina gasped. Her brown eyes dilated in shock, her surprise clearly visible even as her hair swung in front of her face, completely obscuring her expression.

Casper seemed to grow aware of their presence and slowly assumed a more or less normal stance, his arm still held out awkwardly. “For what reason are you interrupting us, Mina, Charles?”

Charles gathered the courage to speak first, sweat gleaming on his dark forehead. “We, err, would like to know what, err, who, you have there. Sir.” He added belatedly.

Casper’s green eyes narrowed. “My fiancé, of course. Who else? Cassie, please greet our guests.”

Cassie shot him a pleading look. “Don’t play the fool, Casper. You know very well they can’t see me.”

Mina’s voice cracked. “Cassie’s been dead six months now.”

He shook his head, waggling a finger at her. “Actually, you’re wrong. She’s right here.” Mina’s hands flew to her mouth as tears threatened to spill onto her face. She knew now, for a fact, that Casper had lost his mind, gone tragically mad after the death of his young bride. It broke her heart; she truly loved him, but with his mind in such a state, Mina knew that he would, at best, never acknowledge that love. At worst he would forcefully reject it.

Christopher managed to reply first. “I think we’ll come back later,” he said quickly, ushering his startled companion from the room.

Casper watched them go, then turned to his lover pleasantly. “Now, where were we?”

“You’re crazy, love.” She replied passively, accepting his adoring kisses.

“I know.” He smoothed back her bangs with his free hand.

“Doesn’t it worry you?” Her tone was slightly patronizing, as though she already knew the answer.

“Hmm? Why would it?” he placed a kiss upon her cheek.

“I mean that you’re the one with the ghost’s name, and I’m the ghost. Shouldn’t it be the other way around?”

“Life’s not like the movies, love.” He grinned at that weak pun, the first real smile he had displayed since Cassie was alive. She traced a finger against the prominent line of his cheekbone, solemnly studying his fine features.

“Neither is death.”

Music Yes?

2008-01-05T04:10:09Z